lust/infactuation

current feling: effed up & shitty

i regretted frenster hopping. cos all i see are happy people with their happy partners regardless whether its their bfs/gfs. i am angry at myself for feeling this way. i am rather upset and annoyed at the same time because i couldnt let my heart decide. for that i feel like crying.

i have never forgotten all those things done for me. only that i have kept it hidden deep within me making sure no one noes plus pretending i dun either. i apologise for being egoistic, ignorant n nonchalant. but i just cannot help it, its the way i am. and for that u all need to accept the fact whether u like it or not.

im afraid of further commitments. im afraid of all the attention given. im afraid of all the care and love shown. im afraid of strong determination just to show self true inner feeling. im afraid because i can never be wad everyone wanted me to be. above all, im most afraid im might be broken yet again. i may be seen as a strong willed person, but i am not strong enough to face it anymore.

current song: cry by mandy moore

all this happen because i have loved. but now i have to go on. i cannot stay to linger around hoping for a perfect fairytale to happen. i cannot find the answer everyones waiting for.

i can never hate anyone, let alone you. but deeply i know i can never be with u either. the heart decides to stay as it is.

current annoyance: painful wrist, broken heart & itchy eyes.

ive been staying at home doing things, saving money. i met azie(pendek) n her bf to send them to nyp's soccer field.

BOWEN VS NYP
(FEMALE TEAMS)

i cannot side anyone.

i left the place 10 minutes afther the match commenced cos i had to teach. ket told me the recult was 0-9. nyp won.




thinking about it, ive been feeling rather not myself. i wanna go somewhere belong. i dun wanna breakdown further but but i juscant promise that i wont. i almost felt like giving up.


that miracle can never happen.
DREAM ON ROOL.

a tear drops, the heart shatters.



I'll shut up for your sake. i swear.

p.s: iqah has a date.