Pissed

argh. it wasnt a GOOD day today. haiyy. was practically feeling DEPRESSED n DOWN most of the time. i wonder.

came to skool early. i relli mean early cos i reached 15 mins earlier. blargh. tutorials n lectures were totally BORING.. didnt have lunch cos i was all ALONE. most people r just too bz with other things to accompany me tho. haiyy. n thus i spent my FREE 1 hour ALONE at the eplaza stoning in front of the comp. wished i had brought a story book along. my mistake dat i didnt. padan muke aku!

oh ya mum bought me a new bag on tuesday nite. :) its a SUPER BIG weaved bag n my fren just have to make comments on it.

FREN: hey new bag arh?
ME: err. ya. my mum bought it for me.
FREN: u sew it urself isit?
ME: *STERN LOOK* wadever la.
FREN: joking onli la
ME: ya rite.

presentation was orait i guess. de tutor said my group was creative. :)

met him to have my LATE lunch.

i was too pissed for the day. BECAUSE at first SHE said dere isnt any tuition as SHE wanted to go for HER surgery to give birth. i was very GLAD la. but then when i was feeling so down in skool, she just had to make my day worst. WTF!@#$$%@$#!! SHE decided NOT to go for the surgery n asked me to teach at 6. since i cant disagree n DO NOT want to argue with her, i simply said OKAE.

so when i reached dere promptly at 6. NO one was at home. lucky i knew where she normally puts her key. so i went into an empty house which just pissed me off again.
de students came LATE. like half an hour later. so i just start as per normal. *opens MATH REVISION book on ALGEBRA.*

she, her son n de maid reached home like 45 mins later. ok dats fine. n she just had to piss me off again.

SHE: have they finished yesterdays math testpaper?
ME: yes. its marked n gone thru oready.
SHE: huh, so fast! wad about my son?**
ME: how would i noe? (like i gif a damn abt her son. @#$%$#%)
SHE: okok. wad r u giving dem today?
ME: Math revision on algebra
SHE: today do test paper again.
ME: (looking at both my students n giving dem a im-so-sorry look)err.. ok.

**her son is so SLOW la at doing math. den his schedule for de day is so darn pack. imagine this. having math tuition den malay tuition. study one after anoder. his head will explode la.

so PEOPLE, tell me wads the use of HER asking me to teach when she orders around just about anything. n its all JUST FOR THE BENEFIT OF HER SON. this job is like a piece of shit for me la. argh! im just pissed for the day la, can.

frankly, i hate talking bad about people. but they just make me do it. haiyy.

dammit la. dat all-of-a-sudden feeling of loneliness just had to come again. i shall commit suicide. ah, nah. i dun think so.

cant anyone just try to make my day for once?

now, i shall just be open to my dearest blog n pour out wadever single shitnitz im feeling rite now.

firstly, I CANT SLEEP. this is just due to some of the stupid feelings dat had to stay in my heart NOW. i dread going to skool every single day. cos i just dun feel the connection n sense of belonging. unlike my secondary school days, now its more of INDEPENDENCE. i mean, i can deal with independence but LONELINESS is such a NO NO for me.

in secondary school, i have frens who r dere for me. i have never felt LONELY then. wadever we do will always be TOGETHER. n i tot i could find REAL n TRUE frens. in fact im wrong. its hard to find one. for instance like now, we r just apart. no more those late night girl heart-to-heart talks. no more of those girl-day out kinda outings. i just missed those times. de times when we all we dere for each other thru thick thin. argh! dat was secondary school.

now im in poly. its just ME. ME. ME. its never ME n my frens. n i dunno y. i do appreciate those people who came into my life. well, ive learnt dat people come n go as they please. i cant stop dem tho. other than dat, i feel like a failure. i make frens thru my frens. while in real life, im suppose to b making my own frens. argh!

ok. i feel much better. FOR now at least.

i shall CRY MY HEART out later. den i'll b just FINE.