oh-so randomness

that " if i were u" song by hoobastank keeps playing in my mind. i have no idea why. but its gettin rather annoying.

for the fact that i am feeling a little irritated, i wish all irritating beings in this world be eradicated from their pathetic existence. i cannot stand people who misjudge, pressure n control others lives thus thinking they lead the most perfect life.

sometimes i think why parents still treat eighteen year olds like eight year olds. n thinking of this makes me feel guilty n bad.

NOw, wad i need is an all-girls-day-out. those times we could chill in any cafe talking about anything under the sun, gossiping n bitching about those people we hate, sharing problems n come up with silly solutions to those problems.

this proves how much i need my girlfrens. their company, their listening ears, their sincere hearts, their great brains. all in one to aid me in this life of mine, which most of the time never seems to have a purpose, a meaning.

bestfrens are suppose to be dere whenever they are n arent in need. WHY? for the simple reason that they should know you best. they should always back u up, support u, giving u strenght and all the love they can.

LOVE. An exceptionally small word with a big meaning. a word which most people want to hear. but for me, mebbe due to all 11 failed relationships, it became a word i fear most.

afraid that it could eat me alive, afraid to suffer the pain all over again. afraid to be fooled. afraid to fall further into the trap n not being able to stand back on my own 2 feet. afraid to be abandon n stranded all alone picking up the left memories.afraid to go thru everything all over again n regret.

regret. a word im not suppose to use any longer. a word which i should destroy long ago. a word which causes so mush misery, pain n agony. a word which make me eat my own words.

i am so terrified to go thru it again. help me.
i didnt know it would be this way.





this i got from a forwarded email a fren sent to me:

I choose to love you in silence coz in silence I find no rejection. I choose to love you in loneliness, coz in loneliness you are mine.




i never wanted all this to happen.
i need my girls badly. yes, you. Eemah, atiq, naz.



i guess this is the end. It is the end. i'll just end here.




*this post is a random one. supposedly posted last night.






Hey pampered bi-atch, just fuck off n leave me alone. i dun need an irritant!