class bbq

went out with atiQ to compass n have lunch.. haha.. abt 5 plus went out again to meet shima n suraya.. reali missed dem.. class bbQ was ok.. after bbQ, xbf wanted to meet again.. wads wrong wif him?? i realli dunno.. well since im ard the area, i drop by his werk place to say hi before going home..

haiz.. i just hope i could find the right one n stop the search.. wheres dat chemistry.. hmmm.. i wonder.. but then hes trying to drop hints here n dere.. i dunno whether i should believe him or not.. haiz..

so confused..

afal berfdae

went home at 10 todae .

xbf asked me out at 12 to accompany him to cut his hair.. hes still dat crazy fellow i knew back then from primary sch.. still the same old bad boy.. haha.. i wun fall for ur tricks again n stop pinching me.. haha .. i had fun.. for afals birthdae . we all met at pasir ris downtown to play bowling . it was fun.. ahah. i strike once.. woohoo.. den went to arcade.. den have snack at BK . den me n ima took photo .. cant wait for afal to scan it for us.. my present to afal wasnt a grand one but it comes straight from the heart ok, bro..

meet xbf again n play pool for a while.. damn.. hes frigging good. he won all 3 games n i onli got a few chance to shoot.. idiot.. ahah.. den had dinner at magic wok.. lols.. we realli talked.. ahah.. seriously.. its like his problems n mine are the same.. haha.. hes looking for the right one n im looking for the right one.. haha.. im glad dat he thinks he found the one for him n is trying his best to get her.. huahua.. good luck ar, bad boi.. gee.. just hope dat he changed his playboi attitude to settle down.. hah.

dats wad happened todae.. a great dae..

oh damn .. you got it bad by usher lingers in this mind.. it suits my situation.. fish nuggets .

happi 17th birthdae to azfar .. n if ure wondering hu afal is .. hes my couz bf n my fren .

sucked

Im pinned down
By social expectations
I dun have a destiny
People create it for me
I follow
Every instruction given
Like a dead doll
Never being cared for
I breathe
The air dat surrounds me
So tasteless, dull n fake

Lifes like shit. People never see the good side of u. They keep complaining about the wrong doings u made. Dont they noe dat human beings are not perfect n never will be. All they noe is to criticize n never encourage. They never give u a chance to show ur true self to them. They mould u to become someone who u really arent. They forced u to lie to urself. All they do is to push u so hard dat u forget about urself. U forget about all the wrong things they make u do. All u remember is u do it for them.

Im feeling fcuked up. My lifes terrible. When u talk so much, they reprimanded u to shut up. But when u shut the fcuk up, they question u like u are some criminal. It never pays to be nice but ull get retribution when u do anything bad. Oh shit. Lifes never fair. When u try to change urself to be a better person, the society just cant accept it. They never will. They never encourage such things. Cos to them, ull never be nice. U are always dat antagonist in life.

I am really feeling very lost. I dunno wheres my path. I lead a boring life. All u want to do is to cry ur hearts out. But u just couldnt even how hard u force urself. U still cant. People are frens indeed. Frens like cookies. One time they r there, then they vanish the next moment. N parents arent of much help. All they do is nag 24 hours a day. Even criminals get special treatment cos there are people who listen to their problem. But me. Who would want to listen to a nobody like me. I dun own anything in this world. Not even my life. I have no control over anything. Everything is controlled by the society. This is the mistake of not being able to decide. N I hate it. I have no direction. Nothing.

People dun care n they never will. Even if they do, its not me they cared about. Ah. Fcuk.
But then all I need now is someone to listen. Listen to me anyone. Just lend me ur ears n listen. Dats all im asking for. Not much.. just listen...

Well, I think I might as well live life to the fullest and not demand. I should go on with the flow like I used to and enlarge my social circle. Lets just mingle around and not get too serious about anything. Cause life is about learning and not deciding things at that point of time. Im sick and tired of regretting every single decision I made in life. I just cant stay happy with what Ive decided. Maybe, Im a perfectionist. Who knows? Im extremely fickle. I take things for granted. I dont think before I decide because after deciding I will regret. And I hate the fact that I tend to regret over matters that actually affect my life deeply. Doing things systematically isnt my cup of tea. Im a last minute person. Thus, I do things without thinking of its consequences and whether my decision will affect anyone.

arh life.. when its just getting better, it turns out to be much worst than before.. damn.

uwek.

im a may baby: gemini

Stubborn and hard-hearted. Strong-willed and highly motivated. Sharp thoughts. Easily angered. Attracts others and loves attention. Deep feelings. Beautiful physically and mentally. Firm Standpoint. Needs no motivation. Easily consoled. Systematic (leftbrain). Loves to dream. Strong clairvoyance. Understanding. Sickness usually in the ear and neck. Good imagination. Good physical. Weak breathing. Loves literature and the arts. Loves traveling. Dislike being at home. Restless. Not having many children. Hardworking. High spirited. Spendthrift.

haha.. n its so me.
my first time in SEOUL GARDENS [Luffing my heads off.. its true] n it was cool. haha. to atiQ, my appetites not big ok.. u saw it urself.. haha..

dats for today.

- ku ikuti jalannya hati -cahaya- kris dayanti

yawn..

the loneliness- babyface .

i suddenly got this freaking urge to blog. wth. its like dawn n im still awake.. crap..i just cant bring myself to lala land.. i can sleep.. haiz... wads wrong wif me. i noe its not de best idea to be very straightforward.. but wtf.. i just blurt it out.. shit..im well known with my frigging hints n all.. but wad happen to all those hints... who has been telling me to be more straightforward in delivering my msg to anyone.. haiz.. well its not wrong trying not to beat ard de bush rite.. heck.. im acting weird recently.. everyone says so.. even i notice it.. crapshit..wad de heck is wrong with me.. i dun even noe.. im confusedd n lost.. wth.. does anyone even care.. why do i even bother to blog aniway.. the people whom are entittled to read wads posted for dem dun even take a glimpse of de entries..

im such a nuisance.. im talkative, loud, irritating n wadever other adjectives u can think off.. i cant seem to keep my freaking mouth shut.. but den im willing to change dat bad habit of mine.. now its de new nurul.. i will talk only when its necessary cos when i talk no one listens.. every single being ard me only desire a listening ear... n dats wad im gonna give to dem.. hah.. den dun u bother telling me how come u arent talking no more, wheres de old nurul gone to.. well i have de most perfect answer to de question.. de old nurul is gone.. get that in ur head..

im perfectly normal.. its just dat life has really taught me a lot.. i really may sound totally retarded abt wadever ive mention above.. im just crapping.. and now every event dat revolves ard me starts to make sense.. god tests everyones patience.. its up to us to learn to cope with wadever dat comes in our way in a rational n sensible way.. we shouldnt run away from problems instead we have to face dem.. cos every problem has its underlying meaning in it.. its up to de individual to understand it.. hah.. so now ive done some reflections.. lets get down to de mini details of wad happened for the past two daes..

well on thursday.. me, my sisters n azimah went to compass.. wad else shld we do except to eat n visit delibrary.. hah.. after a few hours dere.. mum called n asked both my sisters to sleepover at grannys house since my aunt gotta werk.. n i had to go n teach de primary n secondary sch stoodens.. oh man.. its tiring n stressful ok.. imagine having a secondary school student who doesnt listen to u even when u speak nicely to him.. dats wad happen.. instead this student can bargain telling me dat i do this qn only ok cher.. fcuk.. if it wasnt for dat womans call i wouldnt have to teach de primary six ok.. anyway she told me dat i only have to teach de p6 once during the sept holS..but den it became 2 daes ok.. she think i have nth better to do huh.. sharks.. im gonna die of extreme exposure of work.. after tuition mum forced me to sleepover at grannys house too.. crap.. after a long thought of being alone without sisters around.. den this happen.. tough luck man .. so yah.. i stayed at grannys house on thursday nite..

den on friday.. woke up at 10 plus.. cant force myself to sleep much longer.. haiz.. ate prata for breakfast..youngest sis fell sick.. hah.. still freaking energetic.. wth.. im like totally bored dere.. n wad luck.. de vcd playerwasnt functioning.. shit.. so i had to stick to watching de tv.. haiz...
ard 5 dad sent me n sisters home cos i gotta rush to have dinner with my frens.. haa.. well de dinner was ok..i meant dat nth disasterous happened except de miscommunication part though abt bedok corner n simpang bedok... we wasted our time waiting for the freaking bus no 10 n it came 45 mins later.. crap.. everyone came except those who beforehand told us they couldnt make it of cos.. ustazahs son was so cute.. haha.. n stupid me didnt take a picture of him.. lols.. haha.. nvm.. mebbe some other time.. hmm.. the dinner ended at 11 plus bcos of allde delay.. haha.. but nvm.. its not always we have a get together session..lols.. n i reached home at 12 plus..actually i didnt feellike going home.. n i didnt know wads my reason.. mebbe im tired of sitting at home..

ooppsss nearly forgotten... happy birthday to hazwan on 0909.. may ur wishes come true..

haha.. well its late oready n i need to catch some sleep.. so yah.. i off now..